Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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