i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
