ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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