She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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