She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
