My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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