My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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