Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
