Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize