weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
