your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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