I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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