I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
