well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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