clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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