I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
