who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
God, I missed his penis.
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