I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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