Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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