she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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