He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
