About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
