I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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