It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
