I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
