one two three fourrrrnication!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
