The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
