I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
