plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
