I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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