he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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