Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
