I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Quick, to the slutcave!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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