I didn't shave. On purpose
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
