I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
