I want to make a zoo with you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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