Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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