hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
