i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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