I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
