I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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