Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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