He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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