Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
