Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
