Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
