My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
