Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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