my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
