You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
