The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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