benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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