he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
