I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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