dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
