Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
