im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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