Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
