Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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