Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
