the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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