im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
