fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
