we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
