I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Randomize
