apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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