Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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