dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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