Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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