It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
