is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
