This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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