Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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