Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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