Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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