WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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